For over two years, I’ve been trapped in a creative block. Its been a perfect storm of “I am way too busy freelancing to create art” and “I need to keep creating art to stay sane.” A block and a hard place, indeed.
Make no mistake, I’ve been creating new work this whole time. Once a month or so I’ve been able to get a model or a friend into studio to try to make something interesting out of the remaining gasps of energy that I’ve had to spare. BUT, my creative thought processes flows chronologically, and the overwhelming urge to release work in the order it was inspired and created has created its own impossibility as well - leaving me literally stuck behind a pile of unfinished work unable to move forward.
unfinished work teasers from my IG
Starting with the work that I was already in the middle of releasing.
A quick glance at my social profiles will tell you that the flow of creative photography has almost stopped entirely. As I’ve taken the time to reflect, I’ve realized that I’ve also fallen into a self-censorship trap – and learning the difference between the two has been a major step in the corrective process.
I discovered that censoring myself was rooted largely in the assumed negative reactions to my work that would never actually come. From a client side, I feared the pearl clutching reactions to nudity on a website that struggled to balance artistry and corporate appeal. From the creative side, I worried about models chirping “this is so old! I don’t even look like that anymore!” Most recently in 2020, the question of whether art is even valid anymore has been a mountain of its own to climb. Unchecked assumptions reinforced themselves and lead to the crippling thought that being my true artist self would result in either my business failing or being shunned by outsiders was able to dictate my decision making for a long time.
Some of the few releases from The Big Stage, 2018
shelved for a little too long...
Coming to terms with the fact that this mentality has squandered a huge amount of my previous creative work has been really difficult. The part that hurts the most is that I’ve also lost track of some of the conversations had during portrait sessions - the work that I wanted to debut first in this rebranding. Questions that were asked were originally going to feature heavily in my portraiture debut. There’s no way to get that back now, and honestly, I doubt most of those subjects are even those same people anymore its because its been so long… I’ve had to find a new way to discuss that work.
I am finally freeing myself from the weight of imaginary people’s opinions.
My artwork and my person are not beholden to anyone.
It’s a pretty liberating feeling.